Exciting News

Darrell and I are starting the adoption process! Near the end of June, Darrell and I started talking about the idea of adopting. I remember wanting to bring it up to him and I had prayed that God would lead my heart. The evening that I sat down to bring it up to him, HE actually brought it up! Come to find out the idea had been heavy on both of our hearts!!

We have met with an agency and had our home study tonight. Now we just wait to be matched with a birth mother. I had to put together a scrapbook that represents who we are with pictures. We also had to write a letter to birthmothers explaining who we are, why we are adopting, and our dreams for our future child. The agency shows the book to birth moms, and based on the book, the mom decides whether she wants us or not. I'm not going to lie, it's a little difficult having to "sell" yourself.

Darrell and I are SO excited, and nervous at the same time. During all of this I can't help but think about Jeremiah 29:11.

"I know the plans I have for you~plans to give you hope and a future."

This was one of the verses I told myself all of the time after we lost Cade and while we were waiting for a new heart for Addi. Lately, it's been a lesson that HIS plans are what matter, not our plans. So now, I still cherish this verse, but for a new reason. We anxiously await His plans for us and the joy of continuing our family.

The Monument is Here

Darrell and I have been waiting patiently for Cade and Addi's monument to be made and put out at the cemetery.  We wanted it to be really special, so we decided to have pictures lasered onto it that represented the two of them.  For Cade, we decided on Woody and Lightning McQueen.  To say he loved those two characters would be an understatement.  And for Addi, we went with Mr. G (her favorite tag along).  Where ever she was, Mr. G was right there with her.  And, of course, a bow...would you have expected anything different?  On Friday they delivered it and it is beautiful!  We are beyond happy with it and love how everything turned out.

Monument on Friday without landscaping

Since about June I had been planning to surprise Darrell with having it landscaped.  One of our best friend's owns a landscaping business so I asked her if she would be interested in doing it for us.  She was so excited about it and it turned out amazing.  Lauren and her team put so much heart and love into the project and you can tell by how great it looks.  The best part is that the timing worked out perfectly!  Lauren and her team were able to do it during the day yesterday while Darrell and I were at work.  What a great way to end the day!  We went out to the cemetery for Cade's birthday and it was finished.  Darrell was shocked and absolutely loved it!

After!

Thank you Lauren and Dan for all of your love and support through the past year and making our monument so special!  We love y'all!

Another Birthday Without Cade



Birthdays always make me emotional, even when my precious boy was here to celebrate.  Today Cade would have turned six.  It's hard to believe that if he were still here, we would have had a six year old running around. 

After Cade passed away, someone told me, "Susie, time will heal your heart."  The truth is, that is NOT a true statement.  Time does not heal your heart.  This is the second birthday we are celebrating without him, and therefore 365 days have passed.  This birthday is not "easier".  My heart still hurts.

Birthdays are all about the person who you are celebrating.  In our family, the whole day is about them.  When that person isn't here anymore, it is still all about him or her, but it's SO much harder because you don't have them to hug or love on.  You wonder what you would be doing if they were here.  I wonder what kind of party Cade would have wanted.  I wonder what gifts he would have asked for.  I wonder what new friends would have joined us from his school.  I wonder if he would still get embarrassed when I danced around and sang "Happy Birthday" to him.  There are many things I wonder about.

But, do you know what I don't wonder about?  I don't wonder if Cade misses me and his daddy.  I don't wonder if he would rather be here than in Heaven.  And I don't wonder if Cade is happy.  I don't wonder about these things because GOD heals my heart, NOT time.  I know Cade is happy because he is with our Heavenly Father who loves all of us more than anyone else does.  And that is what makes my heart happy!

Big days of the year will always be hard and emotional because we are missing such a big piece of our life.  But when I think about the day that I get to spend eternity with my Lord and Savior and Cade, how can I not be overwhelmed with joy!

Happy Birthday sweet boy!  We think about you every day and smile when we think about all of the memories we were able to make with you.  We love you right up to the moon and back, Caderader!!

Much Needed Time Away

This past year and a half has been an emotional roller coaster (to say the least). With all that we have been through, Darrell and I agreed that it would be good for us to get away for awhile and enjoy some time together. Many of our family and friends suggested we take a vacation and it didn't take much convincing.

We had already talked about taking a trip to Hawaii for our ten year anniversary, so we just moved it up a couple of years. On a side note, Darrell and I have NEVER been on a big vacation together by ourselves. We didn't even go on a honeymoon because we bought our first house instead.  Needless to say, we were really looking forward to this trip!

Arriving in Honolulu

Our view from the Hotel on Waikiki Beach

Hawaii was absolutely beautiful and we've already decided that we'll probably go back for our ten year anniversary! We started our trip going to Honolulu to visit Pearl Harbor. That was such a touching and emotional morning!

Standing in front of the Arizona Memorial

Arizona Memorial

That afternoon we hopped on a tiny plane and headed to Maui for the rest of our week. Two words...LOVED it!! We did a sunrise bike tour down a dormant volcano. A bus picked us up at 2:30 in the morning and took us up the mountain. Standing in the middle of clouds we watched the sunrise. It was freezing, but I think it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. We were at a little less than 10,000 feet in elevation. From there we were taken to 6,500 feet where we rode bikes the rest of the way down. Again, beautiful views and a lot of time to pray and just think...loved it!

Right before sunrise

The sun starting to rise

After sunrise

Love this picture of the sunrise behind us!

What a view!  One of the spots on the mountain we stopped for a picture

On our bike ride down the mountain

One day we went for a drive and went to Twin Falls. We thought we would never find them, but after hiking in flip flops...yes, flip flops (we had no idea what to expect), we found them and got some great pictures!

Twin Falls (the water was freezing!)

One afternoon we visited Maui Brewing Company.  The Friday before we left Darrell found some beer at the store from the Maui Brewing Co., so he researched where it was and lucky for us it was five minutes from our hotel.  They try to use as many ingredients as possible from Maui when brewing their beer.  The entire process of the brewing and packaging of the beer is done in a tiny metal building. I was shocked at how small it was.

The five beers we got to sample

I just thought this sign was funny because of how small it is

We also enjoyed our first time zip lining. We both really enjoyed it! Darrell even did this swing thing that I was too chicken to do.

Getting ready to zip

Darrell getting ready to zip

Look at the view behind us...unbelievable!

Ziplining

Ziplining some more!

Darrell doing the swing with a girl in our group

That would be Darrell upside down on the swing

We also walked down the beach from our hotel and went to Black Rock where we were told you could see some pretty large turtles and fish.  We were about knee deep in the water getting our snorkel gear on when we hear someone shout, "Tortuga, tortuga!" I look right in front of me and there is a huge sea turtle!  I loved it!

Ready to snorkel

The sea turtle that was right by us

The night before we left we attended a luau in Lahaina that gave the history of Hawaii. We got some great pictures and enjoyed watching the hula dancers.

Before the luau started

Our dinner

One of the dances

Our hilarious waiter

With two of the dancers from the show

I think the best part of our vacation was being able to relax at the pool and the beach. Maui is so laid back and it was nice to just be with each other!

View from our room in Kaanapali

Hanging out at the pool

Sunsetting while we were at dinner

Dinner one night

Just another amazing view

Just the two of us (and yes, I'm humming that tune right now)

Happy Father's Day, Darrell!

Even though there is only one day of the year that bears the official title of Father's Day, Dad's get to celebrate every day of the year (just like moms).  I would hope that dads everywhere cherish each day they have with their children.  I know Darrell did!  Darrell was able to celebrate five "official" Father's Days with Cade and Addi, but we like this number better....1,748....because that is how many days that he got to spend with Cade and Addi before their Heavenly Father called them home.

All three of my love bugs!

At the pumpkin patch

Darrell is truly an amazing dad!  The moment I found out that I was pregnant with Cade, he was elated.  He couldn't wait to find out what we were having.  When we found out it was a boy he was ecstatic!  Cade looked just like his daddy.  From the moment he was born, every one, and I mean every one, would say "Man, he looks just like Darrell."  If we got even a penny each time we heard that statement we would no longer have to work because we would be set for life financially.

Cade's first day

Looking at the fish (Love this picture)

Some of my favorite memories of the two of them are just hanging out in the garage, playing some sort of sport outside, and wrestling on our bed.  My ALL time favorite though, is hearing them through the monitor talking and playing around in Cade's room, especially when they thought no one was listening.  Right before Cade passed away, we bought an old truck (1923 Dodge Brother's Truck to be exact) to fix up and Darrell was really looking forward to working on it with Cade.  Cade was just as excited; he loved to help his daddy put anything together.  The truck continues to be worked on in honor of Cade.  What an emotional day that will be when it is all finished!

Cleaning the wheels of the big truck

Getting the yard done

Being silly

At the pool...on Mickey's "big boat"

Playing at Castaway Cay

Nice Glasses!

Jammin' with their guitars

Ready for the Astros game

Soccer game

Then in September of 2009, we found out I was pregnant with our sweet girl Addi!  I knew the moment we found out it was a girl, that someone was going to have their daddy wrapped around her little finger.  That was proven true the minute I had her.  Darrell was so sweet with her!  I loved to watch him interact with her....so gentle (a big difference from being rough and tough with Cade).  There's something to be said about a daddy and his daughter.  He would crinkle up his face and rub his nose against hers and when he rocked her he would hold her close to his face and just snuggle.  At home, he LOVED to put her to bed at night!  AND...everything she did was worthy of a video!  He has several videos of her doing random things on his phone.  

Addi's third day

The football hold

Too sweet!

So sleepy!

Being silly

Nice shades

Daddy with his princess

Christmas...her hair is "A-Mess"

Darrell also took Addi to most of her doctor's appointments by himself.  He hated having to take her to those appointments, but he did it with a smile.  Those couple of times that she was admitted to the hospital, he spent every day at the hospital with us and did his work from there.  One of my favorite pictures is of him working on one of his inspection reports at TCH.  Addi was sitting next to him, and when he would listen to the recorder, she would hold up his extra recorder, copying what he was doing.

Difibrilator surgery

Drain tube stay

Copying Daddy

First time chest to chest after surgery

Darrell, you are truly a wonderful dad!  I loved watching you every day with our two beautiful children.  The 1,748 days that we had with Cade and Addi are some of my most cherished times.  Thank you for being my rock, an unbelievable husband, and a wonderful dad!  I love you right up to the moon and back!

My handsome boys!  I adore this picture!!

Daddy and his princess